http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uxPfGuHP0Ls
Although we never spoke to each other, perhaps, in part, because I was merely a background extra, we later became friends through the magic of Facebook. Also through the magic of Facebook, he graciously granted us this Interview.
WMV: Thank you for granting this interview, Mr. Smokey Miles! For the purposes of this interview, may I call you "Bob"? You're welcome to call me "Willie."
Robert: You can call me anything you like. Most people call me "Smokey" or "Count" or "Bob." I used to be Bob more. Some call me "Robert," mostly from my family or friends from Facebook because they said I had to use my legal name when I started an account. I had one friend that called me "Rob" but I never robbed anything, so I found that amusing. But if you like it, OK, Willie...
WMV: [Libertad decided to use "Robert."] Have you heard from anyone, besides me and Libertad Green, who worked on the Big Bear Energy Drink commercial with you?
Robert: I have heard from Terry Smith. We did another one of those Big Bear Energy Drink commercials together, and then I did a third appearance as Einstein for Ravi, the director of that video, on a music video he directed for the artist Mansour.
It turned out that Terry had been on a reality show about dating Cindy Margolis, once the most downloaded girl on the Internet [a claim disputed by Danni Ashe, although the Guinness Book of World Records awarded the record to Cindy]. I had auditioned for that show a few years back, but I didn't get on it. I did write a song for Cindy, for my audition, though, and Terry turned it into a music video. He was hanging out with Cindy, so he played it for her, and, apparently, she liked it. The video was on YouTube, then came down and now it's back up:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JJoDirTe5R0
I wrote a song about Annet Mahendru, but didn't have the chance to record it. She was cool, and we had fun on the set. Within the year, she became a principle on the T.V. show "The Americans," and I e-mailed her congratulations, to which she very nicely responded.
WMV: Your Facebook indicates that your hometown is West Hempstead, New York. Where were you born?
Robert: Brooklyn, New York. Just like Billy the Kid... Although, at times, I have a vague recollection that it might have been in Glipsch, Smokesylvania.
WMV: LOL! Neither your Facebook nor your IMDb page give the year of your birth, although Facebook indicates your birthday is May 30. Have you tried to hide your age more because you believe show business is age-ist, or more because you fear identity theft?
Robert: Sometimes I'm four hundred ninety-six years old, but since that age never changes I can't really put a birth date because, as the years move forward, I can't keep changing the year of my birth just because my age stays the same. It would be too difficult to keep track of.
WMV: Facebook indicates you graduated from West Hempstead High School in 1958. Did you serve in the military, in Vietnam?
Robert: I didn't graduate in 1958. It was 1968, but should have been later. I left early because I was in some kind of hurry. I wasn't in the military; they didn't want me by reason of lottery. I did perform for the military, though. For example, in Guantánamo Bay, Cuba... That was the Navy. I think that's the military. I mean, it's not just the Navel. Oranges have navels only, as well as skin and pulp. They can be delicious, though, and rich in Vitamin C. The U.S. is rich in Vitamin C, which, in this case, could be Cuba.
WMV: What other prejudices, if any, have you encountered in show business?
Robert: I think some people are prejudiced against artists, musicians and actors because they like to use their services without paying them, or under-paying them. That's some form of servitude which feels like slavery. They say it's for "exposure," but over the years numerous people and even animals have died of exposure, or at least have gotten frostbite.
WMV: Facebook indicates that your religious and political views are Smokulist and Atavistic, respectively. Please elaborate.
Robert: Smokulism is the Great Revelation which took place on the sleepless night of August 18, 1997. Count Smokula is the Prophet and Founder of Smokulism, or, as I like to say, The Revelator.
It is the most recent of World-Wide Belief Systems, and the wisest. It might take a while for it to take root, but all may embrace it at this very moment for a chance at a better present and future life.
http://www.countsmokula.com/smokulism.htm
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TmFoZ5yW79o
As far as Atavism goes, this is two-fold, or maybe multi-foldable. It seems to me that the basic fabric of life is like a Jackson Pollack painting - incomprehensible, splattered gook and colors all around. The other meaning might well have to do with encouragement, as in what one might say to a pet dog or small child, as in, "You're doing a good job with your training! Atta boy!" So Atta-vism became Atavism for the sake of brevity.
WMV: Your Facebook indicates that you received a degree from Princeton, University, having studied art, archaeology, music, and philosophy there. Exactly what degrees and certificates have you earned, and what were your majors and minors?
Robert: It was Art and Archaeology, but it was in a special Creative Arts major, so I made paintings and drawings and got some kind of Bachelor of Arts degree, except Princeton is fancy, so they called it an A.B. instead of B.A. I went in to major in biochemistry and be a neurosurgeon, but that idea kind of disappeared pretty quickly. I was a philosophy major for awhile, but found Immanuel Kant dangerous to my mind. I majored in Near Eastern studies for awhile, and studied Arabic because I liked Bedouin and other kinds of oud music. I studied music with Milton Babbitt who was one of the most famous electronic, modern music composers and a genius, but I was more into the blues and rock-'n'-roll. I also wrote songs, plays, poems, and stories, and chased girls. I think I had A.D.D. [Attention Deficit Disorder] then. I think I still do.
WMV: Ian Fleming stated that foreign languages were the topic of study which proved most useful to him in his life. Your Facebook indicates that you know Spanish and French. Would you agree with Ian Fleming?
Robert: French was good. I had French girlfriends, so that helped with the communication, and I worked in France one summer, as a camp counselor, so it really helped to know the language, or these little French kids would walk all over you, which wasn't cool. I've also been able to speak French acting in a movie, so that's useful. I know a little Spanish, but not great. I can sing in it, though, and sometimes appear as El Pulpo [The Octopus], a musical, Mexican superhero in live appearances.
WMV: What other foreign languages, if any, do you read, write, speak, and understand?
Robert: I can read and understand a little Hebrew, but I'm really rusty. At one point I knew it better. Also, I can read a bit of Arabic, and blurt out a few things, but can't really do much with it anymore. What, is this a questionnaire for the C.I.A. language division?
WMV: No, but linguistics are a creative art, and therefore an essential part of entertainment, which is what this e-zine is about, and I am personally, particularly fond of them.
There are at least nineteen Robert Miles' listed on IMDb, as well as a Bob Miles, and a Smokey Miles (you). Are any of the other Robert or Bob Miles also "you"?
Robert: I don't know. I just know who I am, more or less.
WMV: What, if anything, do you know about the other Robert Miles'?
Robert: I think there was a Robert Miles in the 1950's who was a stunt man or actor or both. When I joined S.A.G. [the Screen Actors Guild], they preserved a person's name until three years after they died, so they told me I couldn't be Robert Miles, which is my birth name, or Bob Miles, which I used professionally, mostly before I came to L.A. They said I could be Robert Mark Miles, but I had never used that in show businesses, and was by then singing under the name Smokey Miles, and hosted a cable T.V. show called "The Smokey Miles Music Hour," so I figured people in L.A. might know me, and I went with Smokey Miles. They've changed the S.A.G. ruling since then, I heard, but I've been going as Smokey for awhile.
WMV: Did your IMDb page formerly list you as Robert Miles (X) or so, and, if so, how hard was it for you to get your listing changed to Smokey Miles?
Robert: No, it never listed me as such, but sometimes I get credited as Robert Miles or Robert "Smokey" Miles, or whatever, so they add that to the listings.
WMV: Your IMDb Trivia page indicates that you "[d]id a couple of songs... for TromaDance." What exactly does "did" mean?
Robert: I don't know that they mean. I wrote the TromaDance Theme Song and made a music video of it, which Troma used as a promotion for their film festival. I also performed it numerous times at their A.F.M. [American Film Market] press conferences, and at Tromadances in Park City, Utah, and Asbury Park, New Jersey.
WMV: You are apparently the founder and owner of Smokey Miles. How many people does Smokey Miles employ?
Robert: Just me. It ain't no big thing.
WMV: Where do you stand on minimum wage laws?
Robert: I think there should be no wage at all. I think everyone should be issued a credit card at birth with like a million dollars in credit to use at their discretion. When they run out of loot, they should have to plead their case to see if they should be issued more credit or terminated, depending upon how productive they've been already with their lives, what kind of contribution they've made to the world, and what they will do in the future. Working purely for money is complete and utter b***s*** designed to produce a world full of serfs and rulers, and an attempt to enslave people like rodents on a treadmill. Fortunately, their are some loopholes and some people do some wonderful extraordinary things with their time on earth.
WMV: How has ObamaCare affected your business?
Robert: I don't see how it's affected me one way or another. Everyone should have healthcare, or else our society will be the laughingstock of the civilized world, and society as a whole could be doomed for various reasons. Is Obamacare a good system? I don't know. I haven't read the bill and you hear lots of nonsense from people for it or against it who have either not read it, misinterpret it, or extrapolate it incorrectly. I know that the cost of medical care in this country is basically a ridiculous sum for various reasons, so somebody better make sure that it's affordable for all people very rapidly. And, I may add, for animals and automobiles too...
WMV: What is the best way for potential employees and investors to contact you?
Robert: They can email me at bobsmokeymiles@gmail.com or through Facebook:
https://www.facebook.com/smokeymiles or
https://www.facebook.com/CountSmokula
If they want to speak with me in person or on the phone, I'll give them my number.
If they want to hire me for a gig, they can also reach me through Gig Salad, where they can see pictures and excellent reviews:
http://www.gigsalad.com/smokey_miles_los_angeles
WMV: I know you play accordion and ukelele. Since you are a comedic musician, I suspect you play the calliope, and, since you play roles in science fiction and horror productions, I suspect you play the organ. What other musical instruments do you play?
Robert: I don't play calliope unless it's on a synthesizer. I do play ukulele, guitar, harmonica, piano, organ, banjo, a bit of mandolin, hand drum, jaw harp, kazoo, and penny whistle.
WMV: Several comedians have created controversy this winter, with what some view as their insensitive remarks about elderly military veterans, Jesus, Mitt Romney's inter-racial family, and certain women, such as Sarah Palin and Elisabeth Hasselbeck. As a burlesque entertainer and a comedian, what punches, if any, do you pull, and which holds, if any, do you think should be barred?
Robert: I don't know what comedians you're talking about. I try to keep my act not blue, which I mostly do, but not always one hundred percent. The others can do what they want. I'm not their judge, jury, or executioner. Especially on what I don't know anything about...
WMV: Are you the webmaster of www.CountSmokula.com?
Robert: I guess, but I don't know anything about web mastering, so the darn site is way out of date. Troma kindly administers it, but they have nothing to do with the content. They just provide the server.
WMV: As a New Yorker, what are your thoughts on the current New York Start Up campaign, offering businesses ten years without taxes to move or start a business in New York?
Robert: Never heard of it, but it sounds like a nice thing to do. Winter's been real cold there lately, so best of luck, and they should stay warm.
WMV: Do you think the National Football League should have its tax exempt, non-profit status revoked, or that it should have had such status in the first place?
Robert: Hopefully, it makes a profit. Some people do treat football like it is their church, so if churches are non-profit, maybe the N.F.L. should be too. But I think some churches make big profits, so why should they considered to be non-profits? Just because people believe some things... I mean, I believe some things; should I be considered a non-profit? Hmm, I think I just answered my own question. Yes, indeed I should!
WMV: How much help does Count Smokula get to prepare his hair, make-up, and wardrobe for his public appearances?
Robert: None! Count Smokula is self-contained!
WMV: CountSmokula.com indicates that you star as Count Smokula in a movie entitled "Count Smokulas Voild." Is "voild" his way of saying "world"?
Robert: Yes, he has a Smokesylvanian accent. However, the movie has not yet been made. The script is written, but we [need] money to make it, which perhaps you or your readers will provide, because it will be a very funny and dynamic movie! Maybe the name should be changed to "Count Smokula's World" so as not to confuse people. What do you think?
WMV: I think it should be spelled correctly wherever it appears in writing (except for linguistic discussions such as this one), but pronounced "voild" by people such as Count Smokula, who have a Smokesylvanian accent.
What else would you like to tell our readers about Count Smokula?
Robert: There's so much to tell and not enough time to do it! Count Smokula is a four hundred ninety-six-year-old talk show host, actor, composer, singing, multi-instrumentalist, recording artist, emcee [M.C., Master of Ceremonies], spokesperson, artist, performing artist, Prophet and Founder of Smokulism, Dean and Provost of the Smokesylvania University College of Knowledge (S.U.C.K.), and the Head Physician of the Smokesylvania University College of Knowledge Environment of Medicine (S.U.C.K.E.M), bon-vivant, et cetera. Albums "Authentic Sounds of Smesylvania" and the official Grammy submission "Smokesylvania in My Mind" are available on iTunes, et cetera. A Google search for Count Smokula will reveal much, including YouTube videos and pictures with beautiful women.
WMV: CountSmokula.com also indicates that you have promoted Stan Lee's "Who Wants to Be a Superhero." Were you aware that Stan Lee became a member of the historic Hollywood Post 43 of the American Legion last October?
Robert: The Count was in the show openings for that show and was shown with Stan Lee on the A.O.L. [America On Line] splash page when the show began airing, and in some magazine articles, but other than that, didn't promote the show particularly. As far as Stan in the A.L. post, I never heard that before.
WMV: CountSmokula.com indicates, and you mentioned, that you entertained our troops in Guantánamo Bay, Cuba.
How much have you or Count Smokula entertained "the troops" over the years?
Robert: Only that time. I tried to perform for all the local military bases when I had a band, and once had an agent who said the only way to do it is to do cover material and have a picture with sexy band girls in it. I had three hot girls in the band, but none wanted to do cover material, they only wanted to sing my original songs, so that idea kind of went away.
I'd be happy to perform for the military, but just haven't had any tour set up.
WMV: CountSmokula.com also indicates that you have a couple ties to Germany. Besides Cuba and Germany, what nations have you traveled to?
Robert: I've been to France, Italy, Antigua, Switzerland, England, Israel, Dominican Republic, Haiti, Mexico...
WMV: What are your favorite destinations?
Robert: Every place I've been to has been interesting.
WMV: Where haven't you traveled that you'd like to visit?
Robert: I'm curious - just about every place.
WMV: Count Smokula.com indicates that you either appeared or will appear at El Sid [sic], on Sunset Boulevard May 25, 2013 or 2014. What thoughts, if any, would you like to share with our readers about El Cid of Spain, and Charles "the Hammer" Martel of France?
Robert: I appeared numerous times at El Cid on Sunset Boulevard. It was way before those dates. That website is junk and out of date. I wouldn't go by what it says there.
El Cid and Charlie Martel never invited me to dinner or to their villas for a swim or spa, so I can't thank 'em for anything in particular. I do have a friend named Sid who did, so he's cool.
WMV: CountSmokula.com indicates that you granted an interview to Shimmy Magazine. Are you a big fan of belly dancers?
Robert: I don't think Shimmy Magazine has much to do with belly dancers. That was more about the burlesque world. I like belly dancers. What's not to like? They shake and move nicely, and one once fed me a cherry in San Francisco many years ago.
WMV: Apparently, you maintain two MySpace pages - one for your music, and another for Count Smokula. Do you prefer MySpace to Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, et cetera?
Robert: I liked MySpace, but it kind of went the way of the dodo. I'm on Facebook now a lot.
WMV: When did you start smoking?
Robert: I smoked cigars when I was a teenager, then pipes and cigarettes in college.
WMV: When did you get the nickname "Smokey"?
Robert: After riding a bicycle all night long and putting out the embers in a smoking mattress on the campus of Princeton University when I was twenty, I heard a voice from the sky at dawn telling me my name was Smokey Nightrider. I used it for awhile, but then dropped the Nightrider.
WMV: When and where was the concept for the character Count Smokula conceived?
Robert: I produced and hosted a public access T.V. show out of Marina del Rey in 1987-'89. It was called "The Smokey Miles Music Hour," and was all live, acoustic music performances, interviews and comedy segments, predating "M.T.V. [Music Television] Unplugged." For one Halloween, Smokey turned into Count Smokula, and I thought he'd make a great talk show host. I didn't do anything else about it for six or seven years; then found a fez at a yard sale and knew I had to fire up the program. So I began taping "The Count Smokula Show" with influences of horror hosts such as Zacherly, who did a show on the East Coast when I was a kid. I also thought Joe Franklin and Regis and Kathy Lee were amusing, so I combined some of those elements, added co-hosts and lots of other elements, and produced forty or fifty shows. Then I got invited to emcee and present at Hollywood rock awards shows like the Los Angeles Music Awards and Rock City Music News Awards - did a lot of rock and comedy shows, then produced a show called "Freak of the Week" for Troma Entertainment, made albums, performed at Cannes and Tromadance, did burlesque shows, kid shows, and lots more, and recorded the albums and appeared in Troma and other indie movies and T.V, radio, and news shows.
WMV: It seems that more and more, people, in the U.S. and as far away as Uruguay, are encouraged to smoke marijuana, yet discouraged from smoking tobacco. Where do you stand on tobacco legislation and the decriminalization/legalization of marijuana and other drugs?
Robert: I guess tobacco's bad; the evidence says it is. Edgar Cayce says five cigarettes a day are O.K., but who could keep to that if they're addicted? But I think the taxes are high and on these things now, and the warnings are prevalent, so that should discourage people from using tobacco. Marijuana's good for some people with diseases or nervous or something. I don't think it's good for young people, as it can hurt the myelin sheath of their growing brain cells. But when you're older, who cares about that? The myelin seems to be formed, and you could feel good with it and not hurt anyone. Criminalization of marijuana is just plain stupid, and only serves to profit those who make profits through the jail system, and to introduce some people to the miseries of jails as well as take away profits from diligent farmers and taxes away from the government. Some other drugs are harmful and should be regulated, though not criminalized. Violence, theft, sexual assaults - these are criminal offenses.
WMV: Does Count Smokula smoke anything in particular?
Robert: The Count quit tobacco.
WMV: I suspect that your character in the Big Bear commercial, as well as another pipe-smoker on another set, had extra help to create extra smoke with your pipes. In character, what do you smoke?
Robert: On that commercial I smoked a pipe which I hadn't smoked for many years. It was real tobacco and I immediately became addicted again. It was a struggle because it was enjoyable, but [I] eventually had to quit... No one smoked anything for me. I smoked it all myself.
WMV: Personally, I prefer to puff Black and Mild cigarillos. Do you smoke particular brands of cigars or cigarettes, as well as pipe tobacco?
Robert: Years ago I smoked Turkish Specials, Gitanes, Gauloises, Export A, Kent, Camel, and Lucky Strike unfiltered, Salem, and Marlboro. Then my brother told me an ex-prisoner from Devil's Island told him it's unhealthy to change one's brand of cigarette. Only Marlboro's gave me hallucinations. I saw an angel hovering in front of my bed after smoking too many Marlboro's. I haven't had a cigarette since 1991. Cigars I wrestled with after smoking one in my "Zombie" video, and then I wrestled with pipes and cigars after the Einstein gigs.
WMV: What web links would you like to share with us?
Robert:
www.facebook.com/smokeymiles
http://www.imdb.com/name/nm1493617/
http://www.countsmokula.com
http://www.myspace.com/smokeymilesmusic
http://www.myspace.com/smokula
WMV: What current and/or upcoming projects would you like to mention to our readers?
Robert: Albums:
Smokey Miles - "Waiting for the Hurricane"
https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/waiting-for-the-hurricane/id373877344
Count Smokula - "Authentic Sounds of Smokesylvania"
https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/authentic-sounds-smokesylvania/id280343570
Count Smokula - "Smokesylvania in My Mind"
https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/smokesylvania-in-my-mind/id337642839
A documentary about me taking a sideshow circus to Guantánamo Bay, called "Guantanamo Circus," will be playing at various film festivals including the Self-Medicated Festival at South by Southwest, in Austin, Texas, March 7, 2014.
http://rxsm.festivalgenius.com/2014/films/guantanamocircus0_christinalinhardt_rxsm2014
I'll have some songs in Troma's Return to Nuke'em High, Volume 2.
My web series "The Vamps Next Door" is online and fun - a sitcom about a family of suburban vampires. I play Walter Tepes, the dad, who works as an I.R.S. [Internal Revenue Service] inspector, and I also wrote the theme song:
http://www.youtube.com/user/TheVampsNextDoor
I'd like to get more subscribers to my Count Smokula YouTube channel, for The Count has some cool surprises under his fez!
http://www.youtube.com/user/Smokula
And, of course, more songs, videos, movies, albums coming, and live appearances... I'm doing Italian, French, Irish, Hawaiian, and Smokesylvanian shows. At Christmas, [I] will be [a] singing Santa Claus. And I'd like to fire up the talk show again. Why not?
WMV: Your Facebook lists you as "single" and "interested" in women. If the pictures of you on CountSmokula.com are any indication, you're quite the ladies' man. How did you celebrate Valentine's Day this year?
Robert: I took my girlfriend out to dinner.
WMV: Your Facebook lists a link
(http://www.vamphearcircus.com/smoky.html)
which is broken, but has a green shamrock for an icon. Are you of Irish heritage?
Robert: I am not, but have a shamrock cape and fez which was made for me because I had some Irish Saint Paddy's Day gigs as Count O'Smokula. I knew more Irish songs than the band I played with that year, and I like the cape, so [I] wear it all the time.
The fact that the vamphearcircus.com like is broken has nothing to do with me. I was ringmaster of that circus and it was a good one. I don't think it had anything to do with Ireland, though. Too bad the website is down. I think they just became pirates and didn't maintain it.
WMV: How do you intend to celebrate Saint Patrick's Day this year?
Robert: I will perform several shows of Irish songs.
Interview by William Mortensen Vaughan
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