Richard William Caamano pulls up in a dark, metallic, 1996 Ford Taurus, with a handicap parking pass hanging from the rearview mirror. We are near the Beverly Hills sign in Beverly Hills, one block north of Santa Monica Boulevard, at approximately 1:30 p.m., on a sunny L.A. day. After some deliberation about where to park, which doesn't seem to perturb him in the least, he parks in a parking spot pointed out to him by a lady walking her dog. Then he decides to park somewhere else, and tells me he'll meet me by the sign. We can see three of the white, globular lamps on a post near it.
As I approach the sign, I notice that there are orange posts and yellow tape around it. Even closer, I see a sign that says "Wet Paint." To pass the time, I photograph the sign, while I wait for Rich, who shows up in a dark brown suit and a yellow tie with a pattern in it. The knot in his tie is narrow, and looks like a single Windsor. Rich uses a mirror, and adjusts his tie. Luckily, no one else is taking pictures of the Beverly Hills sign until I start snapping shots of Richard.
Then, as a crowd of tourists gather to take each other's pictures, Richard offers to treat me to tea at "Rodeo Two"; I accept, and take pictures of an unusually large, gnarly elm tree, while I wait for him to bring his car.
After parking in a terrace near Dayton Way and Beverly Drive, Richard and I walk to "the Fish House," also known as "McCormick and Schmick's," perched among other busy businesses in an elevated pedestrian zone, atop a flight of concrete stairs at the corner of Dayton Way and North Rodeo Drive. Rich, as he likes to be called, chats and jokes pleasantly in fluent, Río Platense Spanish, American English, and enough French to let me know he probably knows more about it than I do.
Inside, we take seats at a table near the door. Although I let him know tea suits me, he talks me into a Corona. He places the order, including a martini for himself.
I discovered Rich while we were both "specking" to be audience members on "We the People With Gloria Allred." I overheard Rich offering two other men information about getting gigs, so I asked him to put me on his mailing list. Through e-mail and phone calls, we subsequently became friends, until he invited me to a pool party at his mother's apartment, near the historic Hollywood sign, but we decided to meet at the Beverly Hills sign instead. I hope to visit his mother's apartment another day.
Rich and I have worked as audience members on two TV shows: "Minuto Para Ganar" (the Spanish version of "Minute To Win It") and "Guinness World Records Gone Wild."
Rich's resumé lists appearances on numerous other TV shows, including featured dancer on "Nitecap," "Demon #9" on "Charmed," and waiters on both "90210" and Pamela Anderson's "V.I.P.," as well as background and/or audience members on "The Exes," "Sullivan and Sons," "Smallville," "Oh, Sit!" "Judge Judy," "Divorce Court," and "Ready For Love."
His resumé also lists various movie appearances, including featured airline passenger in Ground Control, starring Kiefer Sutherland; Alacatraz Guard #4 in The Rock, starring Sean Connery; Sailor #3 in The Fog, starring Tom Welling and Selma Blair; a hotel valet in Stephen King's 1408, starring John Cusack and Samuel L. Jackson; Pod #4 semi-survivor in Alien 3, starring Sigourney Weaver; and a rehab client in 28 Days, starring Sandra Bullock; and background in Independence Day, starring Will Smith; Legally Blonde, starring Reese Witherspoon; Deep Blue Sea, starring Samuel L. Jackson; and Wes Craven's Scream, starring Courteney Cox, David Arquette, Rose McGowan and Neve Campbell.
Rich is a Democratically liberal realtor, of Argentine descent, from Connecticut, who finds himself obliged to supplement his income by working various gigs since U.S. real estate has decreased significantly since 2007, and even more so since 2009. He has visited Argentina twice in his life, and speaks fluent Spanish. Unlike many liberals who still live with their parents, he chain smokes and often wears a suit and tie, and is driven to support himself financially, with a goal of earning $250 per day.
His father passed away in the year 2000.
Rich was one of the first men in the U.S.A. to have a "buckle fat excision," a form of cosmetic surgery, which was performed by Dr. Andrew Ordon (www.drordon.com), to make Rich's face look thinner, although his face looks as rotund as ever now. Rich still regards Dr. Ordon as his personal cosmetic surgeon, and hopes to have him perform $18,000 worth of more cosmetic surgery on him when he can afford it, or make a deal to have it televised.
Vaughanster: When did you decide to move from Connecticut to Los Angeles?
Rich: I always wanted to be a star and famous. I was always the class clown. But I finished school in Connecticut, first. I graduated from high school in '90, and from the University of Connecticut in 1994. My brother married a [gold digger], and my father passed away in 2000.
I'm a celibate "trisexual." I'm asexual. I don't like to get dirty. I lost my virginity when I was thirteen, to a girl who told me afterward that she just wanted to make "the sounds you hear in those movies." That's when I decided love wasn't for me, so I don't have sex with anybody. When someone uses my bathroom, I close it for two weeks to sanitize it. When someone uses one of my towels, I just burn it. Just kidding!
Vaughanster: When did you decide to become a realtor?
Rich: When I was nine years old or younger. I've always loved cars, and I've always been a mama's boy, so I had my mother drive me to all the open houses in Connecticut.
Vaughanster: When did you have face buckle surgery?
Rich: It's called "a buckle fat excision." My first plastic surgery was on my nose, by December, '92, by Paula Moynahan [www.paulamoynahanmd.com]. In '97 I had a penis enlargement. Just kidding! The weather in Connecticut was nice, so it must have been between May and September of '93. It was for the filming of a show like "The Doctors." They didn't have "The Doctors" back then, but they interviewed me for a show called "American Journal" and/or "Current Affair." The interview was by Nancy Glass, but it was dubbed. I never actually met Nancy Glass. They just put it together so that it looked as if she had interviewed me. I used the name "Richard Stone," by the way. Originally, it must have aired between September, '93 and June, '94. The episode was called "The Kate Moss Waif Look." It was produced in New York.
By the way, Dr. Drew and I both had unique license plates; his said "FACE MD" and mine said "Try Rich." And F.A.C.E. stands for something, like "Face and Cosmetic Esthetics," or something like that. Dr. Drew had an '80's Mercedes-Benz.
[Note: According to www.acronymfinder.com, F.A.C.E. has 53 meanings, including "Families Advancing Craniofacial Excellence."]
Vaughanster: Who have you sold houses to?
Rich: [Rattles off several movie stars' names I recognize... I start writing them down, and ask him to slow down.] No, but you can't publish that. I signed non-disclosure agreements. I can tell you I was involved in the sale of the house [so-and-so died in, to someone connected with [so-and-so].
Vaughanster: What was the highest priced house you sold?
Rich: Five million, on Shadow Hill.
[Notes: Shadow Hill Way runs through Beverly Hills.
According to www.WikiPedia.org, "1156 Shadow Hill Way, Beverly Hills, California, 90210 is notable as the largest private residence in Beverly Hills, 90210. It is also notable both for its associations with celebrity international organized crime figures, and its frequent use on television and in Hollywood movies to portray an image of vast wealth for its fictitious characters."
mgross.com indicates that "Shadow Hill/Grayhall (1100 Carolyn Way)" has been home to actors Douglas Fairbanks and George Hamilton, as well as Mark Hughes, the founder of the Herbal Life pyramid scam.]
Vaughanster: What was the lowest priced house you sold?
Rich: Oh, I sell to everybody, so, probably two oh five, and I flipped it for three nineteen.
Vaughanster: What's the greatest number of stories in a house you sold? Stories, as in levels...
Rich: I did sell a haunted house with a lot of stories. As soon as you walk in, it's like whoa! [Throws his head back, as if experiencing several G's worth of pressure...] Just pure evil!
Vaughanster: What's the greatest number of rooms in a house you've sold?
Rich: I was in the Spelling Manor, which is 56 thousand square feet.
Vaughanster: But that you sold?
Rich: Let's see, a colonial home, with the bedrooms upstairs and the kitchen downstairs, you know? Uh, twelve...
Vaughanster: The Least?
Rich: A one-bedroom condo.
Vaughanster: Where all have you sold homes?
Rich: [Rattles off names of places, including Beverly Hills, Hollywood Hills, West Hollywood, Culver City, the Sunset Strip, Al Hambra, Studio City, and Long Beach.]
Vaughanster: So, all over Los Angeles and Orange Counties?
Rich: No, not Orange County...
Vaughanster: You said "Long Beach."
Rich: Orange County starts at Seal Beach. I sold one home that was haunted. It was owned by someone famous. Their husband went to Europe for liver surgery.
[Note: According to WikiPedia.org, "Long Beach borders Orange County" and Seal beach is the western-most district in Orange County, on the eastern border of Long Beach; Rich knows his local geography!]
Vaughanster: Do you have a web site?
Rich: Yes! www.tryrich.com It was dot net, but I finally got the dot com.
Vaughanster: Do you still have the dot net?
Rich: Yes! I also have the dot biz.
Vaughanster: Why the "Try Rich" slogan?
Rich: There was an old guy who was a little playboy; he drove around in a nice car and picked up a lot of girls, and he had a license plate that read "Try Bob."
It has a double entendre: Try me, Rich, and try the rich lifestyle. It also had a tag line which read "Very liberal."
Christina Aguilera had the talent; Britney Spears had the management.
Vaughanster: [After Rich lets me drive him in his mother's car to Norm's restaurant, on the southeast corner of Rosewood Avenue and La Cienaga Boulevard, where I discover that the well done steak is perfect...] What stars have you enjoyed working with the most?
Rich: [So-and-so]! [Another so-and-so, such-and-such an address!]
Vaughanster: Oh, not acting, but dealing with as far selling houses? Who have you enjoyed dealing with the least?
Rich: [Uninhibited, and without any hesitation...] [A third so-and-so]!
[Notes: Rich later asked me not to publish the names of any of the celebrities he mentioned, although he told me I could mention "the Spelling Manor."
Interview by William Vaughan
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